When she first came to me for coaching, she was exhausted—but couldn’t quite explain why.
She loved her job. She believed in excellence. She thought kindness meant saying “yes” to everything. But the weight she carried wasn’t just work—it was unspoken expectations and silent exploitation.
She was the dependable one. The one everyone leaned on. The one who arrived early to help a colleague “real quick” and stayed late catching up on her neglected duties. She didn’t know that what she called “team spirit” was slowly erasing her boundaries.
Then came the shift.
Through our sessions, she began to see clearly: she wasn’t lazy, unproductive, or disorganized—she was overloaded, and this, not by official responsibility, but by assumption and manipulation. She was unknowingly filling gaps that weren’t hers to fill. She was confused.
She began to say “no.” Not with bitterness, but with clarity. She prioritized her actual role. She stopped running errands meant for others. And suddenly, the office whispers changed:
“She’s not the same.”
“She has a bad attitude.”
“She’s proud now.”
But the truth? She hadn’t changed. She had awakened. And in that awakening, the power dynamics shifted. The very people who once threatened to tarnish her name now respect her voice. She was promoted. She even mentors others under her regarding this revelation. And yes—they now ask for her advice. Amazing, right?
People often say, “You’ve changed.” This is rarely noted as a compliment. It’s often said with suspicion, disappointment, or quiet distance. But what if… the change they see isn’t a change at all?
Have you ever considered that possibility?
Sometimes, a person starts doing things differently;
- speaking more boldly about what they believe,
- setting boundaries where they didn’t before,
- saying “no” where they used to bend without question,
- walking away from familiar circles that seemed important before,
- choosing peace over pleasing others.
And it confuses others. So profoundly confusing that it creates conflicts, because they still remember the version of you that shrank to fit in.
- The one they could easily wiggle around and control.
- The one who laughed to avoid confrontation.
- The one who overgave, undercharged, stayed silent, or played small.
So when you stop doing that… when you rise, when you choose purpose, when you start making choices aligned with your core instead of the crowd… They say you’ve changed.
“Sometimes they don’t hate the new you—they just miss the version they could control.”
However, it could be — you didn’t change. You woke up. You became aware of who you are. You peeled back the masks and stopped negotiating with fear. You finally looked in the mirror and said, “I will no longer be half of myself to keep people comfortable.” You embraced your complete person.
🧠 Self-awareness can feel like rebellion to people who only knew you when you were unaware, and you didn’t know much about yourself, other than the preached obedience to a fault. You only knew how to do what made others feel good and comfortable around you while ignoring what felt right for you.
Most people become afraid of becoming self-aware because of the fear of losing friendships and relations that they have built up over time. So, they live a lie. I have seen a great number of these during my mentoring sessions. They know it. It kills them within, even so, they feel it is most important to maintain the current relationships.
And purpose can look like pride to those who benefited from your confusion. Purpose focuses you. It helps you shed off unimportant things, and like an arrow, shoots you towards one definite direction. It is not so when you are confused.
So yes, sometimes people change in a negative sense. But often, what looks like “you’ve changed” is someone returning to who they were always meant to be. A remembering. A rising. A reclaiming.
So next time you’re tempted to mourn the loss of someone’s “old self.” Ask yourself, “Did they change… or did they just finally wake up?”
And if it’s you people are calling “different”… Wear that as a badge of growth because sometimes, looking different is simply what it looks like when someone becomes fully, finally, faithfully themselves.
Growth doesn’t always make you louder; sometimes it just makes you unavailable to nonsense.
Odhiambo J. Omondi
🔁 Reflect on these:
- Has someone ever misunderstood your growth as a bad change?
- How did you respond? What did you learn?
Sometimes, people don’t change—they wake up. And when they stop being convenient for others, it’s mistaken for arrogance. But in truth, it’s freedom. Sometimes they don’t hate the new you—they just miss the version they could control.
Let’s talk in the comments. 👇
Recalibrating Minds for Growth | Thought Leader | Founder @ILeadGrowth | Facilitator @Beyond Success Kenya | Leadership Coach & Trainer | Motivational Speaker |
