Wonderful progress. Check out the previous blogs on dating here before you proceed with this.
“It’s that feeling that time does not exist and all there is is me and him and he says something and I say something and nothing else matters. It’s when he makes me laugh and I follow up his joke with my own and I suddenly feel so comfortable and light.”
Emotionally Invested
Have you ever seen a shipwreck? I’ll show you one. A picture to get you in the zone.
“You only truly possess that which you cannot lose in a shipwreck.”
Paul (the apostle) surely can tell you a story about one. The Titanic is also a wonderful analogy for this. The same rules apply to this. Having been into this person so deeply, you end up sharing your most personal secrets. We are already dating and in deep love, why hide anything from them, right? WRONG!
Today, you send nude pictures and videos of yourself and tell them of deeper stuff that you’d otherwise take to the grave. What is the goal here; creating an emotional bond? At this level, it is already deep set. The roots are well firm. You’re into it 100%. So do not expect to lose 30% or any other percentage different from what you put in.
All the while you remain utterly oblivious about this person changing. Other than you, there exists thousands of other reasons, and other factors at play that may make this person turn their back on you. But nothing of that sort catches your gaze. What in the world do you think he’d use those videos and photos for after you have bitterly separated? Treasure them? Only pray and hope they delete/discard them along with you. Come on, take a moment and think about this? What if turned on you and decided to decimate your esteem by sharing your videos identifying you to anyone careless enough to listen? (You know there are lots of those going around).
What happens when the relationship ends? A Titanic wreck! Now you have a primed bomb floating to you know where (or in this case ‘WHO’). They no longer have any commitment to you or the relationship. They have no reason to keep your secrets and confidence away from itchy ears and busybodies. They’ll even use them as excuses for your breakup as long as they come out as the victim.
‘How cruel is this?‘ You might ask. But this is on you. You created your own monster and it’s time it turned on you and finished the job. At this juncture, the breakup isn’t the only thing that will destroy you – and unquestionably not the only thing to be worried about – you’ll still have the ‘secrets issue’ to deal with.
How can you suit a protective guard around your secrets? Withhold the info. Save the details. You do not have to paint a vivid picture with all the graphics in play. Hold on to your story. Maintain a 2 dimensional relationship until marriage when you can give it your all. Wait a bit longer. Give them until 3 years of dating (if you won’t have already broken up or married already) before you start sharing your deeper secrets.
You can remain mysterious! Most ladies share their secrets as a way to gain connection with the dude for whom such measures are only used as a strategy to get what they want – a physical payoff.
You can talk, have fun, create your own stories and get to know each other without exposing yourself to an emotional storm. Keep your stuff locked and tight on safe land so that when you go sailing and you end up wrecking the ship, your investment will be safe.
The man who has experienced shipwreck shudders even at a calm sea.
You have the power that controls what you release out into the wild and what you keep away from untrustworthy ears and eyes. Emotional harm hurts deeper and longer. Protect yourself. Protect your future marriage from messing up here and denting your emotional health equally messes up your marriage in the future.
Here is our next reading: Dating Series Part 5
