Our lives are full of twists and turns that affect the soundness of the choices we make. One such reality is experienced in our relationships. A prime area at that, it is almost indisputably the reservoir of emotions/feelings.
You have your way, your choices today are your paths tomorrow. Fortunate or not, the consequences will determine how right or wrong you are. Sadly, this is always understood in hindsight.
There is no denying the wonderful role that feelings play in our relationships and life in general. However, when the said connection is only based on feelings, just like accidents, death, divorce, job loss, or serious illness, they are quite unpredictable.
Giftings: A beautiful show of care and appreciation or a lighting rod set for your doom?
Gifts could express love, appreciation, and admiration in ways that words often can’t. In a relationship, gift-giving is important because it is a tangible representation of the effort put into nurturing the relationship.
We often give gifts to re-confirm or establish our connection with others, which means that they’re a reflection of both the giver and the receiver, as well as their unique relationship. Giving a gift to someone we care about allows us to communicate our feelings and appreciation for them.
Similarly, these gifts can be used to lure, seduce, and trap the receiver. In this case, it still shows the tangible effort meted toward their goal. Only that it is not geared toward love, appreciation, and admiration.
The purpose of this post is to create this awareness.
Intentionally receiving gifts and tokens from people you already know are fattening you up for ill intents is one way of saying I’m cool with being stupid.
It is alright to receive gifts from people for it is satisfying as much as it is also venerating to the giver. However, accepting such pleasantries knowing fully well that the giver’s intentions are malicious and meant to ensnare you or lead you to your downfall is utter daftness.
It mimics the use of an anesthetic agent to numb your whole body and then feed you a bowl of broken razors. You won’t feel the pain of biting down on them. Neither will you feel the damage it causes while you swallow them until the effects of the agent fade away.
Choices mother consequences
It is quite excusable when you do not know. When your trust is solid and nothing has been done to jeopardize that. Even so, you will still have the consequences to deal with. You see, consequences have no excuse, they just act as a proper response to each decision meted out. Whether informed or not.
Remaining alert in any relationship most of all those that peg their existence on feelings such as love requires a clear, focused mind. It requires reasoning. Love is not blind. Not to reason. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have been spanked by our parents.
Reasoning beyond feelings will not only help you identify swindlers from a mile away but also help you fortify genuine feelings in the relationship. Otherwise, you will fall from one ditch of emotional turmoil to another.
Intentionally receiving gifts and tokens from people you already know are fattening you up for ill intents is one way of saying I’m cool with being stupid.
The number of delusions surrounding love and relations far outdoes your capability to memorize them all. Set a sieve of some sort, a gauge to enable you to make the occasional stops to think.
Make a habit of doing this and you’ll seem like a relational guru.
Awake
So open your eyes, the eyes to your thinking. The eyes of old-time common sense.
Ask yourself, do I want to do this? Do I want to put my money in this? How about giving myself to this man/woman? Is this what I had in mind before I got all caught up in feelings? Is this my actual desire or is it on impulse? Should I show the other driver who’s boss or is it a flicker of emotions that are causing my belligerence toward him?
Often, we whimsically make relational decisions not considering the fallout after. Feelings create a sudden mental rush that sets our actions into automation. When automated, we become blind to the obvious, and also blind to our blindness (“Thinking Fast & Slow” by Daniel Kahneman) We do not put effort into thinking, instead, we respond ‘appropriately’, that is, as we have seen others do or as we can quickly recollect from our memories.
Get Self-control
You have the power to turn a 90% chance of a wreck into a constructive experience. However, it is not going to be easy. No one has it that easy when going against pleasurable moments – against the subtle satisfactions of ego and pleasure. Avoiding future hurt from present pleasure is not a simple feat. This is why you need personal self-control/self-discipline.
You see, consequences have no excuse, they just act as a proper response to each decision meted out.
Whether informed or not.
Self-control is like a muscle we flex, and thinking is the gym. It’s all about training your brain to manage impulses and make choices that align with your bigger goals, not the quick and cheaper goals. Mastering techniques like mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and visualization might boost your need to be able to see the long game.
It’s like playing chess with life – imagining all the ripple effects of each move before you make any. By visualizing the potential outcomes, you can steer yourself towards the best paths and avoid pitfalls. This approach can be empowering and reduce regrets.
Feelings create a sudden mental rush that set our actions in automation. When automated, we become blind to the obvious, and also blind to our blindness
You have your way, your choices today are your paths tomorrow. Fortunate or not, the consequences will determine how right or wrong you are. Sadly, this is always understood in hindsight.
