“Leadership & Self-deception” by The Arbinger Institute

Getting out of the box is the main theme of this book by the Arbinger Institute, a management training and consulting firm.

According to the team, being in the box, one does not see what they are doing. They become self-deceived. In the box, one doesn’t see clearly, they become blind to the truth about themselves and others. Blind to their motivations.

We are either in or out of the box of Self-deception. They put to us the commonness of having true problems underlying the problems we see and react to. This affects both leadership on a personal and organizational level.

They major on the idea of being inside or outside the box when relating with others or tackling life itself. The idea of being in the box is well presented with a story that displays to us the daily problems we face – or rather we cause ourselves – without actually considering the true sources of the said problems.

It is amazing how self-deception is overlooked especially when we consider ourselves first (as the only beings) and others second (as mere objects) compared to us. We almost never realize the bigger problem. The problem that we cannot see we have a problem.

Failing to realize that we have a problem is the biggest problem we face as leaders in our organizations and our relations to others. Not only do we fail to realize this but we also resist the suggestion – that is what the book calls Self-deception.

"Identify someone with a problem and you'll be identifying someone who resists the suggestion that he has a problem. That's self-deception - the inability to see that one has a problem." - Arbinger Intitute on Leadership & Self-deception

The other wonderful idea about the book that I have seen in my life is that no matter what we’re doing on the outside, people respond primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside. And how we feel about them depends on whether we are in or out of the box concerning them. How we are being is more important than what we do. How we are being while doing what we do will determine their response.

The book provides a surprising solution that solves most problems within personal and organizational environments. I will leave this part out so you can check out the book.

Through this book, you realize how deep in the box you have been with those around you. I stopped treating others as a mass and began treating them as people and individuals who have needs, likes, dislikes, and preferences just like I do.

Many problems and conflicts are eroded as soon as this realization sets in. I know my wife can attest to this truth. Our relationship has improved so much since we both read this book. This made me believe that this book is more relational than it is on leadership and organizational aspects.

Get one for you and your partner and share with me other books you have read that speak on the same subject. Thank you for reading through my review.